{"id":19,"date":"2026-06-11T14:31:31","date_gmt":"2026-06-11T13:31:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/reassemblinglife.com\/?p=19"},"modified":"2026-07-05T23:45:39","modified_gmt":"2026-07-05T22:45:39","slug":"balancing-two-boys","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/reassemblinglife.com\/?p=19","title":{"rendered":"Balancing two boys: Coping when you have more than one child with autistic burnout"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

As my children are starting to recover from burnout, they are beginning to need more from me, and not less. Significantly more. I am incredibly glad to be facing this issue fundamentally, and on other hand it is the hardest work I have ever done in my life. It doesn’t feel like run of the mill parent-child time that\u2019s required of me. It feels high-stakes, where I need to be constantly on, and leaving the room for even a minute has a cost.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What it\u2019s been like with my youngest<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is nothing new for my youngest son has required an extremely high degree of parental engagement for a few months now. More so than he has at any other point in his life, including when he was a toddler. He requires attention and stimulation throughout the day and becomes destabilised when he isn\u2019t getting parental involvement. There aren\u2019t really any reliable breaks and his levels of apparent energy continue to amaze me, but they are sadly not paired with low capacity from him. He continues to experience high levels of dysregulation, and I suspect this hyperactive phase is part of his burnout recovery.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Changes emerging with my eldest<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What\u2019s (thankfully) changed recently, is that my eldest son is becoming less withdrawn and this week he has been wanting more engagement from me. I am delighted about this, but the practicalities are proving a challenge. Often, what he most wants is to play a game with me \u2013 and this is something I\u2019d really like to make plenty of time for. What makes it difficult is that my youngest son gets dysregulated by me spending time with my eldest, which can make for an impossible balancing act.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How the interactions between my sons have changed through months of burnout<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One other unfortunate side-effect of burnout in our house is that my son\u2019s once very close (although sometimes cantankerous!) relationship has become a lot more distant. My younger son has gotten used to doing activities without him because his energy levels have been a lot higher than his brother\u2019s. As well, he has become anxious about my eldest\u2019s distressed reactions while he\u2019s been in burnout, which further leads him to resist his company. The result of this is that he isn\u2019t terribly tolerant of me doing activities with his brother and him at the same time, and I have often had to focus on one of them at a time while the other of them is getting distressed.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It feels rather like playing a game in the style of wack-a-mole where you are having to extinguish items which keep spontaneously combusting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What can I do about this?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m not expecting an outright solution because I think it’s fundamentally possible to provide everything they both need at all times. Hopefully though it’s realistic to aim for enough improvement to give everyone a higher proportion of what they need without it being unmanageable for me to give it.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One thing I\u2019m considering that, even if I\u2019m spending a huge proportion of my time engaged in activities with my youngest \u2013 this may not feel satisfying to him if he is requesting my time and I am agreeing (and he can probably pick up on my tiredness, even when I\u2019m trying not to let it show). It\u2019s possible there\u2019s an element of connection seeking and needing to feel chosen. For this reason, I am wondering about coming to him with offers for connection rather than him having to ask me. I want to try and anticipate loneliness and boredom before he gets dysregulated.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Meanwhile I need to really safeguard time with my eldest, because my younger son\u2019s dysregulation can make this hard to do. Come hell or high water I will prioritise bathing him on his own once per day and taking him out for some food once per week (which usually entails watching him eat a McDonalds or a Subway, and giving him time to talk!). But I would like to offer him more than this. I\u2019m hoping that by filling up my youngest child\u2019s tank with more proactive connection-giving, I can set aside a somewhat predictable slot in the day to do an activity of my eldest child\u2019s choosing just with him. This is likely to be playing a PC game together, at this stage \u2013 as he doesn\u2019t yet have huge capacity for going outside, or doing activities which are more involved.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Is there any way I can sustain all this?!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Somehow \u2013 I need to shoehorn in some alone time. I do head out for an activity for myself once per week, but it becomes increasingly important to microdose time to myself day to day where I can. I\u2019m trying to do something very challenging, so it is bound to fail if I can\u2019t find time to look out for myself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As I\u2019ve mentioned in my last post, this is especially important while I\u2019m feeling extremely depleted by juggling work alongside meltdown management, school and EHCP difficulties, and autistic burnout in both children. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What specifics am I planning?<\/p>\n\n\n\n